This is just plain strange. I think I like it. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

(May you be touched by his noodly appendage.)

The Pacific Northwest is pretty temperate – we rarely get snow here – but it does take a while for the really warm weather to hit. The last couple of days we’ve had a ball just lying around the yard and exposing our mossy skin to that big bright thing in the sky.

And the Bear got his favorite thing – driving with Grandad, who taught him to yell out the window, “Hey, good lookin’, need a ride? Wanna go for a Coke and some fries?”

It’s a good thing I’m feeling queasy, or I’d be a whole lot more dissatisfied.

Lemme ’splain.

I love food. I mean, it makes up a major part of my mental happiness. I contemplate it, I study it, read histories on it. I read cookbooks for fun. And of course, there’s the whole eating aspect! Tomatoes, olive oil, snobby cheese, cilantro, chilies, I could go on forever. And don’t even get me started on cookies, because we could be here for hours.

But right now is a time for watching the budget. With a new one on the way and a midwife to pay for, I have to be responsible and not blow fifty bucks at my favorite European-style deli. (And that means not going in at all, because it’s all or nothing for me. If I walk in, I’m going to need one of everything.) And most of the snobby cheeses I adore are off limits to preggo mamas, so that’s out, too. And no sushi.

Which is why it’s a good thing I’m pretty much green all day long. Because even if I could have those things, I can’t. It all works out.

I also feel blessed that – even though things are a little tight right now (and I don’t mean my jeans) – life is still incredibly good. My pantry is full of yummy, nutritious food that I can serve my family, even if I can’t choke it down myself right now. A sharp contrast is this recipe from The Mennonite Community Cookbook:

Toast Flour Soup

1 1/2 qt. milk
2 Tbs. fat
1 c. flour
Salt

Heat milk in top of double boiler. Melt fat in skillet and add flour,
stirring until it becomes a light brown. Leave flour and fat in little lumps and
drop into hot milk. Keep at boiling point for 5 minutes. Season with salt.
Serves 6.

Now, there are lots or delicious-sounding recipes in this book. Mennonites and Amish folks create some amazingly satisfying fare. But this recipe is for hard times. Can you imagine putting this in front of your kids? Can you fathom them being grateful for it? It sure makes Campbell’s seem like fine dining.

Our lives are blessed, indeed. And if that blessing includes a little more nausea and a little less chevre, I’ll still take it.

No, my typing fingers didn’t fall off. What happened is that my already woozy bod was hit by a Mac truck called “stomach flu.” You’re right, I’m lucky like that.

I lost six pounds in two days. It was simply gruesome.

Now that my insides are allowing things to stay inside, I’m down to fighting the fatigue monster. Just taking a shower is a monumental task. Zzz. Wha?

So have some fun playing “Stack the Cats,” and think of me recovering in bed and unable to move because of three blissed-out felines lying all over the place.

Dear Sir,

Since I am in my first trimester and still look fairly normal, I understand that there was no possible way for you to know I am pregnant. Just like there was no way I could tell from the way you looked that you were harboring the worst case of B.O. in the history of man. Perhaps if I had seen you at a distance, I would have noticed the green fumes following you wherever you went, but alas, I came up to you head-on in that crowded isle.

Mister, you have no idea how close you came to a very messy situation. The most polite thing I could think to do was to grit my teeth and pray for the nausea to pass before I yacked all over your snappy outfit. But it was very close. You are a lucky man.

I want you to know that your rank stench stayed in my nose throughout the store after that. Not only was your reek pungent, it was also extremely sticky. Even popping Altoids did precious little to keep me from creating a cleanup on isle nine. You are a smelly, smelly man.

May I offer a teensy, weensy bit of advice? I realize life is hectic. There are not enough hours in a day. I know that there must be a huge list of things that you must get done, and there is never enough time to do it all. May I humbly suggest you mover the task “shower” farther up your list? Perhaps there could even be some soap involved. Because if you do that to me again, (and my eyes were watering so much, I didn’t get a good look at your face, so I won’t know it’s you until it’s too late), I will unceremoniously heave in your direction. Exorcist-style. And you will have earned it.

The Age is reporting that US publishers are turning away illustrations for children’s books they deem taboo. Scary, offensive stuff like cow udders, bare baby bottoms, and skin that is too dark. Aren’t you grateful, oh consumer?

GUIDELINES FOR ILLUSTRATORS FROM A US PUBLISHER

? Avoid stereotypes such as females as peripheral/helpers to active/leading males, or senior citizens as infirm, with canes, doddering.
? Elderly people should be shown as active members of society; unless relevant to text they should not be shown in wheelchairs.
? Show mothers involved in outside employment (not in aprons in kitchens).
? Show African-Americans in positions of power, not just in service industries.
? Show African-Americans and other people of colour with a range of skin tones. Hair texture should vary from straight to curly.
? Do not stereotype Asian people with glasses, bowl-shaped haircuts, or as intellectuals.
? Never use slanted lines to illustrate Asian eyes.
? No large groups of people without an appropriate ethnic mix and male/female ratio.
? No “help the disabled” pictures — show disabled people doing for themselves and others.
? Show many types of family grouping. Take care not to imply that one-parent homes are broken.

Ludicrous.

I don’t mean to complain. I mean, it’s not like I’m throwing up all day, every day. (Although all food sounds totally disgusting, which is a real morale buster, since I adore eating.)

No, the problem is the unending sleepiness. I could sleep standing up. There is never a moment in my day that I don’t wish I was napping. It is as if I stayed up all night doing gymnastics and then greeted the day with a big glug of Nyquil. I wake up every morning wishing I could have about five hours more. So annoying!

When I rouse the energy to go to the store, employees and fellow customers alike avoid my path. I wonder if it is because of my glazed, staring, day-of-the-dead expression. Or maybe it’s the drool escaping the corner of my mouth.

And of course, I’m not allowed any coffee to give me a leg up. Talk about kicking a mama when she’s down.

So if you see a woman on aisle nine with a couple of kids and a zombie-like stare frozen in place like a robot with low batteries, please pat down my bedhead hair and give me a gentle push in the direction of the deli. Thank you.

This morning after breakfast, the Bear asked, “Mama, what does this say?”

Then he pointed to his placemat and, putting his little pointer finger under each letter, slowly said, “Bu..a…nuh..a…nuh…a. Bah…n…ah…nuh..a. Bah…na…na. Banana! That says banana!”

I’ve been infected. Kate has passed The Indie Virus to me.

Pearsonified started it all, and this is how it goes:

The experiment, henceforth referred to as “The Indie Virus,” has two goals:
* To bring exposure to lesser known blogs (especially those outside of Technorati’s top 100)
* To explore the metrics behind a viral linking campaign launched by the “little guys” (less popular blogs). “

So now I get to pass it on. Let’s see, who to infect?

*Cattiva now has The Indie Virus. Sarcastic, funny, and generally fed up with everyone’s shenanigans, even the name of Cat’s blog – Does This Mean I’m a Grownup? – makes me laugh.

*impromptu-mom now has The Indie Virus. Confessions of a Happy Housewife is the sweetest blog you will ever read. IM takes pride in lovingly making a happy home for her family. No angst as far as the eye can see. I’d like some of that.

*The Grouchy Old Yorkie Lady now has The Indie Virus. Not actually grouchy, I’d say she has crust. (But is not crusty.) Reading her Yorkie Blog is kind of like talking to someone you can’t believe will actually give you the time of day because they are so incredibly cool.

*Amyable now has The Indie Virus. Because a blog about daily life and homeschooling done completely in haiku – how cool is that?!

So, ladies, consider yourself tagged. Who do you want to infect?