The Princess can’t leap tall buildings. She isn’t faster than a speeding train. (In fact, her soccer coach is doomed to eternal frustration because she would much rather study the grass and make up stories than run. During games.) But her mind, oh, Lord. Her mind.

When she was four, she sat me down to tell me one of her many tales. Only this one was different – which is why I remember it so clearly – because it was about a daddy reading to his daughter, and the plot kept jumping from the story and dialog in the book to the story and dialog between parent and child about the book. I don’t remember the exact details now, but I remember that it was complex enough to be slightly disquieting, coming from a little kid.

Of course, her power over words can be a real pain in the tukas, too. Nothing I say, no request I make, not one command I give is met with mute obedience. She will find any loophole to argue about, and snake her way around every possibility until my brain quietly starts leaking out of my ears.

It’s this same aptitude that has led us to our current problem. She is in her second year of Sparks, and finished her Hiker book in October. The review was done by Christmas. The workbook by the end of January.

She’s too young to start on the Climber book, so her AWANA commander said to do a “Take it to Heart” to keep her busy. She learned Ephesians 6:10-19 in two weeks. So last Wednesday, I gave her I Corinthians 13, and figured that would last a while.

She recited it to me this morning – with two helps when she got stuck – word perfect. The whole stinking chapter.

What memory work have I gotten done this year? *Oh, my.* Does brushing up on the books of the Old Testament count? (I used a CD to help, which the Bear fell in love with. Now he goes around the house singing snatches of it: “Joooonah, Migah, Nahoom, Hagacuck!” Just what I need – two small people with better memories than I have. So not fair.)

What am I going to do with her? Give her more TITH’s to learn, I suppose. And pray that she gets a full ride through law school, so she has enough cash left over to pay for my stay at the asylum.

Things are just crazy right now. Iran’s gonna get nukes, people are rioting over drawings in a newspaper, and I have no idea what I am going to fix for supper tonight. It’s time to get centered. Thank you Yoga Kitty.

All the cool Mamas (Kate and TD) are doing it, and it sure is cute: Make your own magazine cover!

Yahoo Blocked ‘Allah’ E-Mail Names

Yahoo was blocking e-mail registration of names that included the letters a-l-l-a-h to prevent “promoting hate”. The only problem is that everyone else is fair game.

Ed Callahan said he started trying to establish the e-mail account after his mother, with the same last name, couldn’t get one.

…

As he tried using various words, he determined that e-mail addresses with other religious words seemed OK, but not if they included the spelling of Allah.

Even more sad is Ed’s knee-jerk defense of Islam.

“The war on terror is becoming a war on Muslims,” Callahan said.

Good grief.

Sometimes there’s no pleasing people.

Childhood obesity is on the rise, and a school in Spokane has banned tag.

…Adams Elementary Principal Mary Weber says there is a problem with the game of tag. She says too often kids turn the friendly game into a pushing and shoving war. And although tag was banned even before Weber became the new principal last year, she had to remind students once again tag is out.

When I worked in childcare, I was advised that under no circumstances was I to lead the kids in a game if Red Rover. Kids’ shoulders and elbows could be pulled out of joint, or a child who broke through the line could crash into something and be injured.

I would toss out sarcastic quips about children running in giant hamster bubbles or wrapping kids in those crazy Sumo-padding suits, but it doesn’t sound that outlandish anymore. The state is more concerned about lawsuits than health, so it’s only a matter of time until the only acceptable school yard pastime is duck duck goose. (But walk, you maniacs! You might trip!)

There is no expressing to someone without kids how this could happen. This morning I held someone else’s body waste hostage.

An actual conversation after changing a diaper:

The Bear: Can I look at the poop, Mama?

Me: No.

Bear: Please, Mama? It’s right in there!

Me: Bear, if you want to look at your poop, go in the potty. Then you can look at it in the water. (Mustering a chipper, happy face)

Bear: Yes! Poop in the water!

(pause)

Bear: (points at the diaper) Can I look at the poop, Mama?

Me: Man, I need more coffee.

Good grief. Angelfire yanked it. Google pulled the plug. But you can still see Patrick Henry’s video here. Thank God for the internet. And thank God for Charles Johnson.

Whatever ends of the earth I go to for Christmas, imagine the exact opposite in preparation for today. I’m not bitter or anything, I just always forget to go bananas over Valentine’s Day. The nice thing about this is that Mr. MG gets cut some slack. He handed me a Whitman’s Sampler out of the Safeway bag, gave me a smooch, and said, “Love you, honey.” But this is also the same man who understands my need for strange, expensive cheese. I’m truly blessed. (Besides, the sampler was more than what I got him – which was nothing.)

We do have one Valentine tradition, and that’s pancakes. Heart-shaped blueberry pancakes with strawberry syrup and squirty whipped cream from the can. (“So patriotic!” says the Princess.) I can’t remember how it got started – probably because I had forgotten to do anything to celebrate, and this was something I could throw together at the last minute. But it is the one thing I can swing, and nobody has to wear pink. It’s a good thing.

If you want to see today done right look what Donna and Chris did to make today special for their kiddos.

I don’t know why I didn’t notice it before – we’ve had this house for nine months. How could I miss it? I’ve had the answer all along, and it’s been right on the front of my oven. I have a button that allows me to stop time.

Beep! Today is really sunny and warm. I think I’ll keep it a while. I’ve earned it, after this long, windy, wet winter.

Beep! The Bear loves to put his hand in mine. He loves to snuggle and talk. He asks me, “Mama, wanna drink some nice warm tea together?” I know that it’s not going to last for long. Soon he’ll be riding bikes and roughhousing with friends and too cool to kiss me goodbye. Plus, when he pitches a screaming tantrum, I can physically pick him up and move him. I think I’ll freeze things just for a little while and enjoy it a bit longer.

Beep! My garden is a disaster. The ivy is growing faster than I can pull it up, and weeds are choking out the primroses. Don’t even get me started about the blackberry vines marching ruthlessly all over the place. I simply can not keep up.

Beep! The Princess has moved beyond her little-girl phase of life, and it’s only a matter of time until she hits adolescence. I don’t think I am ready for that particular roller coaster. Can’t we please, please put that off for a while? Like until I’m mature enough?

Beep! Mr. MG never again goes out to sea. Beep! The house stays only as dirty as it is right now. Beep! The cookies I just scarfed never make it to by thighs.

Who knew it could be so simple?

I’ll gladly share. What do you need frozen?

If you haven’t seen the hilarious video by ‘Patrick Henry’ you must go this very minute and watch. And his response to critics is articulate and right on the money.

UPDATE! The cowards at Angelfire yanked the video. You can still see it here.